Sail away, i miss you more, until you see the shore...there i'll be waiting, anticipating.

Today, my 2 most favourite people of the Aquarius star sign is leaving.

One is leaving the country and the other one is leaving the state.

I'm going to miss these people so much as I'm so used and attached to them.

Now I'm back to the usual and boring routine again.

Sigh.

Number matters.

My brother's ALG lecturer, on having children:-

"The first ones are the ones that couples really, really want.Others?Well, they are accidents....."

My mother, on grandchildren:-

"One and only grandchild sekarang ni larat lah nak layan manja-manja dia.Lepas tu, dah tak larat dah nak layan yang lain...."(Commenting on spoiling my one and only niece, Sarah)

Eat your words, 50!

I was watching MTV when 50 Cent's latest video, 'Get up' appeared on the screen.

A huge grin etched on my face as I was watching this video.

I thought he said that he is going to retire if he lose out to Kanye last year?(Which he did.Kanye's album was selling more than his album).

Another example that you should be extra careful before you say things, or make promises that you are not sure you are able to keep your words to it....

50, you talk, the talk, why don't you walk the walk??

=p

PS:no offence to any fans of 50 out there....

Erm, right.....

Yesterday, I went to Mid for some lil shopping therapy and 'girls day out' with Muzzy and Ain.

It was very crowded in Mid yesterday due to the Xmas celebration countdown(not to mention Tun Dr M was in MPH for a book signing).

3 girls.Money.Sale.Malls.Girls gone wild.

Yesterday was the day that I pampered myself with some 'indulgence' shopping.

Then, later we entered La Senza in the Gardens.

Bought myself a cute nightgown.Nothing weird whatsoever until when I was about to pay for the item at the counter.

Cashier: Are you going to a Xmas dinner party?This is cool.

Me:Eh, nope.(Apakah???)

Since when people want to wear a nightgown, that doest resemble any dress whatsoever for a dinner party???With some prints and ribbon on it??I don't think so.Weird.

O Twilight night!

Recently, I watched Twilight with my girlfriends.Muzzy, Hannah, Muzzy's sister and cousin Uni and Ain were the people that make the 'entourage' =p

I'm not really familiar with the story as I've never read the book before, but was curious enough to find out more about the story, to see 'what's the hoopla is all about'.I guess you can say that 'I've jumped into the bandwagon' by deciding to watch the movie.....

Well, let's see....first and foremost, we actually arrived half an hour late upon the starting of the movie, by the time we arrived, I think we missed the part where Edward(the vampire, pale but towards the end of the movie, I can see why girls are drooling for him) rescued Bella(the girl that falls in love with the vampire) or something. At first, I was trying hard to 'catch up' with the storyline since I had missed the beginning......somewhere along the movie, I think that the movie is, dead cheesy. Yes.Cheesy.Strictly for high school girls with high school boyfriends and those who have celebrity boyfriend fantasies.Or maybe for cheesy couple in love???

In addition of being cheesy, there are some part of the movie that makes it, erm...like 'huh?'Like the part where Edward has a diamond-like body when exposed to sunlight.To add to the cheesiness, Bella actually said "You're beautiful" when she saw Edward 'morphed' into a vampire or something.With glittery body.But, after watching it for quite sometime, somewhere in the middle of the story...I actually fell in love with Edward.Hahahaha.

Now I know why I guess. With a list of sexy cast as the vampires(sexy dad, cute cousin Jasper) one could only wish to be in the movie, or find their real life Edward(I so f***ing want a vampire boyfriend, sexy!).Not only that, the movie is erm, yes, still cheesy by my standard, but there are some parts where I was like "Aww...that is so sweet".Oh well, I'm a girl.Whaddya expect?

So, in conclusion, I think the movie deserve some credit.For bring out the cheesiness in each and everyone of us.I myself actually love this one line from the movie(God, I've become cheesy now!!!) "You are my life now".If I could rate the movie, I'd probably give 6/10. Kinda good.Not bad with all the hype.Maybe I should get my hands on the book?Maybe, maybe not.All in all, it is not bad than what I thought it would be.

Now, if I could have a guy like Mr Edward Cullen.....bite me!

Of 'tak berhati perut'

'In the night, I hear 'em talk,
The coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, she lost her soul to a man so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?'

Kanye West 'Heartless'.

Can you handle the truth??

Today, while having my lunch, I watched this new reality TV show called 'Moment of truth'. The show is quite similar to other quiz-type of shows such as 'Who wants to be a millionaire' except, they contestant are required to give an honest answer about their personal life or something.It's like being asked with the lie detector on, except that it's on national television....and all your deep and darkest secrets, thoughts or fantasies will be revealed to the public.

Imagine, telling the whole world about your secret thoughts and whatnot just for 500K.

Your relationships with the people that you love, your job and people's opinion of you is at stake.

The host:Do you ever wish you dated someone smarter than Daniel?

The contestant: (With much hesitant to answer the question, while the camera focuses on her bf, Daniel)....erm.yes.

Well, the answer is true, and she did get herself 10K, I think for the question.But wonder how Daniel would feel after hearing that??It's like you are telling someone of some of the thing that is best kept to yourself like "Hun, I never liked your friends, I just pretend all this while" or "I actually slept with your friend last night".But in public.Not so private anymore, huh??

All these because of money.All in the name of money.
It's pretty funny what people would do for cash these days, huh?

Just feels that this should be here.....

We spent our free time together in Putrajaya, eating potato chips and getting to know each other.....

She was the only person that stayed until the end at the Good C's concert, when everyone had gone outside.

I called her 4am in the morning when I was having a crisis because I know she's there.I cried and she comforted me.

She baked a chocolate cake for me, the last time I visited her.

She saved some chocolate cake for me. =)

We stayed until wee hours in the morning, figuring out some cheerleading steps and formation.

We planned to do a "Blair witch project"...that never happened, actually.

We did ELTM assignment 'together'. ;p

We planned to do our own versions of Radiohead videos...when we are to damn bored.

She accompanied me at night, when I'm all alone(sounds naughty there, but true!)

We discussed the meaning of Coldplay's 'Violet Hill' through YM.


There are more and billions of memories that we shared that I don't have the time(or space) to mention here.Just like any other friendship, there's laughter and tears....there's fight and whatnot.But, those are the good things that we share together....

Happy 21st Birthday, my dear friend Farizah.May god bless you and may all your wish come true(i think catching Coldplay live next March was in your 'wish' list, so it is granted, aha!). Wish I was there in Sydney to celebrate it with you, well....hope this blog will make it up.. =)


PS:Who's in bunker?Who's in bunker???

Patterns!

I'm so bored during the holidays that I've managed to notice a few patterns that has occurred recently, around me or regarding myself.

a)I love to nag
-I realised that I simply love to nag, especially those that erm, I care and love, I guess???I nag at my mum for not studying for her PTK, I nag at my dad on the importance of living frugally, I nag at my brother for going out 24/7....I even nag my bf sometimes! I just can't help it.I need some help, seriously.

b)I must have my bfast!
Yep, 1st thing that I will do once I wake up from my sleep....I need to eat breakfast.Tak kisahlah dah gosok gigi ke belum, dah mandi ke belum.I need to eat breakfast.And I tend to get cranky if I don't have it.At least, I need to drink Milo or something.Haha.

c)TV.....
-I tend to switch to E! first, followed by MTV then Channel V.After that, I'll go back to E!, followed by Star World, the channels in the Movie package according to its order, then back to MTV before deciding which channel that I'm going to watch.

d) Cars.....
I've just realised this yesterday.Usually, I'll see lots of MyVi on the road...probably because my mum got that car.For the past few weeks, I've been noticing a lot AND I mean a lot of Savvy and Waja on the road.Apakah????Is it because the cars are selling like hot cakes or what or just the fact that my mum said she was thinking of getting me a Savvy once I get back for my final year.It's like there's not even a single minute where there's no Savvy or Waja.I still don't know any theory that can be linked to Waja.Maybe my mum actually almost bought that car years ago????

e)I like to sleep....
-on my right side.Yup,I've just noticed the pattern.

Gosh, I need to do something, like seriously.It's been like almost a month I'm back home and I've been noticing weird(and not so weird) patterns.I need to get a life, like ASAP.

Am I being way to nice...or people are way too rude??

I have something interesting that happened to me today, that I would like to share it in my blog.

Today, I followed my mum to Tesco S'ban 2, to stock up the weekly groceries.My mum was in a rush as she had to go to hand in the house keys to the new tenant ASAP.So, after buying some stuffs and while were about to leave, she had forgotten to buy fish and asked me to go and wait at the cashier aisle first, while she is going to buy some fish.

So there I was, with the shopping trolley, searching for the less congested aisle, as we are in a hurry and to save time.Then I found the perfect one.While waiting for my mum, I was lost in a reverie(as it was damn boring to stand there and wait for the next customer to be done) and there was this mak cik with her kids suddenly standing next to me.She was looking at me and the customer in front of me.I thought that maybe she is the wife or something.

Then suddenly, she asked me."Boleh tak mak cik beratur dulu?Satu barang je ni,"
she said with the muka tak malu and showing me of the item that she intends to buy.Thinking that she is older than me with loads of kids and she only got one item to pay(and the fact that my mum is nowhere to be seen yet), I said yes.Somehow, I know that I was saying yes for the wrong reasons.

So, with the 'muka tak malu' and a sly smile on the face, the stupid mak cik and her kids quickly cut the line and queue in front of me.I was kinda like, sentap.Dahlah malas nak beratur, muka tak malu, pastu tak kata 'thank you' (or terima kasih, if she knows English).Doesn't mean I'm young and all 'immature' like, she can pijak my kepala.Somewhere in the corner of my heart, I was cursing the mak cik and was also thinking, "Why did I say yes in the first place??".
I know that I'm partly wrong for not standing up to myself or anything, but I guess I did it with the thoughts that "Owh, she is way older than me.Tak pelah, mengalah sikit.Mak aku pun tak datang lagi.....and satu barang je kot....".The least she could do is to say "Thank you".That's all.

So, was I being way too nice to her, or was she being way too rude???

Lost and found: Part 2.

"Sometimes, people can go missing right before our very eyes."
"Sometimes, people discover you, even though they've been looking at you the entire time."
"Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we are not paying enough attention."

"Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier."
"Sometimes we found our way out."

"But regardless, always, we are found."

Sandy Shortt

A place called here by Cecilia Ahern.

The path not taken...due to certain circumstances.

This morning, I went for a jog around my housing area.Woke up early today, around 6.50 and all equipped with my sneakers and ipod, I'm all ready to go and burn those calories.

Damn, I'm so not fit anymore and it was damn tiring.

I actually was starting to look like Forrest Gump, when he is running all over America with no apparent reason.I was running and running.

There was some 'pit stops'.I had to tie my stupid shoe laces(which reminds me that I need to get new sneakers soon...), and of course, taking a five minute break because I'm that close to fainting.That was how unfit I am.After abandoning gym and whatnot, especially after Raya.

There was time also when I was running, enjoying the scenery around my house, where there are...obstacles.There's dogs lying on the street, which forced me to go back and jog to another road, dogs barking from one of those houses...and there's this one time, an auntie actually warned me not to continue jogging down the road because '...ada anjing kat depan!'.Haha.

So, my jog today was full of erm, surprises and also obstacle.But I still keep on jogging until I reached home again.

This shows that in life, if you want something, you have to keep going in order to get it.Life is just like a path,a road, street or avenue...depending what you want to call it.There will be a few setbacks on your way to your destination or reaching a goal(in my case, it was the dog)...and you might have to turn around or look for another path.But, the rule is, keep going.Keep going no matter how tough the journey is.It's going to be tricky, but it is going to be worthy.So that's life for you.Not as smooth as you want to...full of surprises and setbacks.

If I'm going for a jog again, I know which road I should avoid now. =)

Random snapshots of the week.

Things or events that occured last week.

Of Sarah, haircut, Aiman, staying up til wee hours in the morning and makan-makan.

Music, the soundtrack of my life.Our lives.

When people or anything that require me to give details of my favourite past time, the first answer that I'll give is 'Listening to music'. Just like any other normal human beings, I like music.I listen to music a lot, but I can't play any instrument to create songs....or write a song....

but if there's one thing am good at, is analysing the lyrics of the song.

Weird, I know, but I often find it interesting to figure out the meaning of any songs that I listen to.Because each song has its own story.Just like us, everyone has a story to tell. There's every song to each chapter of your life.There's songs to help you to get through bad break-ups, songs that you dedicate to your loved ones, songs that taught you of the usage of explicit words and many others.

I remember sometimes, where I heard a song, when, with whom...as if each song that I've heard mark every single event in my life.There's time when I listen to a song, thinking, "hey, I remember hearing this song on my way to the hospital when my grandmother was rushed to the hospital.I was 14 years old", or remind you of a bad 'teenage angst' phase that you went through.

At home recently, I was checking out some CD collections that I owed.My, how I've grown over the past years. There were albums from Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, Audioslave(the hardcore-est!!) and there's also recent ones like John Legend.Looking back, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Those were my 'rock-star' phase. Tahap dewa naga(now I still listen to rock music, but not the hardcore ones like Radiohead etc, although some people think Radiohead is weird.) until there were a time that I 'Rock OD-ed'.Hahahaha. I just listen to Mix fm and Light and Easy coz I cant stand another rock music that time!

There's also a song that can help you express yourself, especially when you are not that expressive, I think....I f there's one good thing about music, it saved my life sometimes.When I'm down or sad, it cheers me up.When I'm on the verge of giving up in the gym, it helps keep me going.When I'm bored as hell, it occupies me like a good friend.

All we need is music in this life. =)

Lost and found: Part 1.

Today I went to KL after quite sometime....Things still remain the same, while some people and the environment around me is changing. Followed my mum to Selayang before picking up my niece as my sister need some 'peaceful' time to study for her exams.....

Like I mentioned above, everything is still the same.The buildings, the roads....nothing has changed that much.I was engrossed in 'sight-seeing' until I saw a Muslim's burial site.Not just like any other, this one has some sentimental values to me.You see, my grandfather (my father's father) was buried there. And I don't know the guy that much. I've seen him once, and that's my first and also last.I don't know him that much as a person, but I do know his name. And that's the only thing that make me feel attached to that name. That I'm his granddaughter.....I don't really remember him, until today, that is.

Later, I went to my sister's house. Just like what I had expected before, my niece has already forgotten about me after not seeing me for several months. My brother-in law tried to mention things that we did together (I babysit my niece for almost 3 months last year, hence the attachment) but to no avail. She doesn't remember me at all.And it's kinda sad. I guess, that's natural in life. To forget things(dunno if i'm making any sense here.am talking in gibberish).

Today I found some of the things that was lost from my memories, and some people also found something that was gone a long time a go from their memories(my niece, in this case).That's how life goes, I guess....

of a long train journey.....

Oooh Oooh Oooh
We've been together for a while now
We're growing stronger everyday now
It feels so good and there is no doubt
I will stay with you
As each morning brings sunrise
And the flowers bloom in springtime
On my loving you can rely
And I'll stay with you

Oh I'll stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I'll stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

Though relationships can get old
Have the tendency to grow cold
We have something like miracle
Yeah
And I'll stay with you

Oh I will stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I will stay with you when no one else is around
When the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you

There'll be heartaches and pain,
Yeah
Through it all, we will remain
Heey
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, and they may go
But through the years I know
I will stay with you
In the end I know that we'll find
Love so beautiful and divine
We'll be lovers for the lifetime, yeah
And I'll stay with you
Oooh
I will stay with you

Oh I will stay with you through the ups and the downs
Oh I will stay with you when no one else is around
And when the dark clouds arrive
I will stay by your side
I know we'll be alright
I will stay with you
Oh Everything will be fine
And I will stay with you
Through the end of all time
I will stay with you


Stay with you-John Legend

Oh well, just one of those most played songs in my laptop.
And having someone 'miming', singing this song to you on a long train journey,
while you're having fever and stomach ache, listening to your ipod.... that makes it much more lovely.

I'll stay with you.Ne me quitte pas.

Nothing particular whatsoever...

Today is the submission day of my last assignment.I'm so happy right now.No more assignments...until next year that is.

In a week, I'll be going back to Malaysia. Can't really describe the feeling, actually. Part of me happy, part of me doesn't feel anything.I'm still a bit blur what the hell am I going to with myself for the next 2 and a half months(hope I get it correct)in Malaysia. Work?Bum around doing nothing?God knows.But, if there's one thing that make me REALLY look foward going back next week is probably the fact that I get to see my friends!And good and tasty halal food.Hahaha.

Now that I'm a bit free, I can start cleaning my messy room and start packing my stuffs.And yeah, there's a 'red,green and yellow' party and a concert that I'm SO looking foward to attend to.

=)

on the wrong track.

Need to get everything back on track............
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.

I think I'm derailed.

empty.

There's everyone all around you.
There's noise all around you.
People laugh and make jokes.
People talk of things that they are planning to do.
Somehow, you are not there.
Somehow you don't exist to them, anymore.
Somehow, you're far,far away from all around you.
There's a wall between you and them.
And that's when you feel empty inside.
Empty.

I Tired.

I woke up early this morning and went to the gym. While working out on the treadmill for about an hour, I was tempted to stop the treadmill and sit somewhere in the corner.And that was only a few minutes when I started to walk on the treadmill. My calf hurts like hell. Probably because of the bruises that I got about two weeks ago that is still not ok yet. So I got back feeling a bit elated from all the work out that I've done.Not to mention that I'm tired.

I haven't got much sleep lately, too. Due to assignments and whatnot. My room is like a cluttered mess.There's no space left in my room that I have to do my work outside my room. Full of dirty clothes, luggage for Malaysia, things that I want to throw away and whatnot. Not a good environment to be in, my room. I'm a bit occupied to clean up my own room....

Yet, even though I'm tired and feel like sleeping for the rest of my life(not that I want to die), I still have the energy to walk all over the Brisbane city, go out like there's no tomorrow and assignments and also join other people doing all sorts of things.Even when deep down inside, I don't feel like getting myself out of the bed.

I realised these somehow.So does other people.So far, there's two people in my life who have realized this fact about me and told me about it(If you've said it to me, you surely know who you are...) and I admit that I'm deeply aware of it.But I can't help it. I just need to go out and do something.

I don't know if that is what you can call 'outgoing' or 'pushing the limit', seriously.Probably the fact that I never get to go out much when I was a kid.You see, I'm always the one left behind at home. My parents would often go somewhere, sometimes overseas and not taking me and children along.If they do, my sisters or my brother.I have to accompany my grandmother or take care of the house.Plus, I was and introvert child.Doesn't have many friends that I can go out with.Probably that's the reason.I don't know. My other sisters also busy with their campus life and whatnot. So, there's not much choice there.

But once I'm a bit independent and have my own money, I go out as much as I like.Even if I'm stuck bored in Seremban, I'll drive my mum's car to go somewhere.With lame excuses such as lepak-ing at Muzzy's, or getting my daily dose of Snickers at 7eleven.

When I was in KL, I would go out with Syefah and all, even when I'm so bloody tired from all the bloody classes. I just can't resist it. I just need to be around with people and need to see other scenery than my room. Even when I'm so damn jaded.I just feel like, I need to go out and see things. Sometimes, you'll come across of interesting things or event when you go out, I'm a firm believer in that, hahahaha. Seize the day?, 'Carpe Diem'?, I don't know. But what I know is, I'll keep going out and about, doing things, even when I feel like my body is falling apart.Even when I feel like eating a bottle of sleeping pills. I'll just go out and walking...and walking.

Sometimes I'm tired and just want to hit the sack, that's all I want to do.But I just couldn't give a damn about it.

Fallen

I've fallen,

and I can't get up,

don't wanna get up......

Fallen-Mya

Snapshots of the week

Some random snapshots of the week...

and each day keeps getting better =p

Last night.

Now I see the clarity, yesterday...last night.

And I made my decision.

That's all there is left to say,look foward and don't look back. =)

Memories.

A few minutes ago, while browsing through some of the pictures in my laptop, something has crossed my mind. These pictures represent millions or billions of happy or sad memories. What happens if I delete all of these pictures?Will the memories go away or will it still be in your mind?Playing over and over again, like a mini movie?

When we looked back at some of the moments in life that we captured in a photograph, we learn things about ourselves. How much we've changed, how different we looked like back then. Old friends that make us wonder, "Whatever happened to A??", places or events that occurred before, while and after the picture is taken....or simply things about yourself that you've never realized before.

Those memories are sweet and beautiful sometimes, yet, there are painful ones too.

When you look at a photograph of a painful past, sure, you can simply delete it. Just click 'Delete' and it will be gone forever. Just send it to the Recycle Bin and you'll never see it again. But it's not as simple as that.

There are still photographs of the remaining memories in your mind.

Once, it crossed my mind that, "Gosh, If only I could reprogram my head like the computer, then I'll get over it.If only I could do that.Erase those memories."

In fact, it sounds like that Jim Carrey movie now, Eternal something, something?I don't remember the name of it, but I do know that in that movie, Jim's character wants to erase all of the memories he had with his girlfriend or something. Just because it's too painful for him to think about it. But that's just fiction, right???
If only we can do that...If only.....

However, not so long ago, someone managed to knock some senses into me.It helped me to change my negative view of this matter. "You may need those memories.It may be painful, but trust me you'll need it. If not for you, it's for someone else.One day, you'll be needing it to help others, tell your stories and lessons that you've learned...so that other people won't repeat the same mistake again,"

And then, I see it in a clearer view. It's true. Each memories that we ever experienced tells us a lot of things, it helped us to grow, to be a better person...much wiser.It's ok to create bad ones, because at the end of the day, those are the one who's going to teach you about life.

If you ever think of an old memory that make you cry, it's ok, you can cry. But later, you'll smile because you know that what's past is past, and it can't be undone,no matter how hard you try....and you deserve to smile.And create more happy memories.

=)

The aftermath of MDB349.=P

I've just handed in one of my assignments right now, such a HUGE relief!Well, I have few more til I'm absolutely free.....Tired, brain-dead are one of the best words to describe what I'm feeling right now. Oh yeah, not to mention bored. Bored as hell before I have start on my other assignments.

Hee, x ingat dunia betul Cik Nurhezrin ni!

As I'm stuck bored doing nothing(well, other than writing this blog)...I couldn't help but wonder of a few questions in life that is worth pondering. These questions actually already EXISTED a long time ago, but hey, sometimes we take things for granted and maybe we never really thought of it before. As in;

• Why all good things must come to an end?Why can't it be forever??What if we enjoy so much whatever we are doing that we don't want to end it?
• Why does it take a few bites of sinful treat to get you gain that unwanted kilos whereas a few days or weeks of hell in the gym to lose that unwanted kilos?
• Why people don't know what they got until it's gone?If they don't know, then how can they realize it's gone??
• Why people call shopping as a 'retail therapy'?If you go shopping,it may help to get rid of your misery...but if you shop til you drop, you'll get more misery???As in your bank account?
• Is there such thing as 'love at first sight'????

Those are a few questions that keep running in my mind at the time being. Well, that's life right. No matter how complicated and painful it gets....that's life. It's funny how some things in this life work in its own mysterious way, but that's the beauty of it.

Til then, I'll continue embracing the beauty life!

=)

Realize: Part 2.

Here's part 2 of my realization.

I've tried to tell myself that I'm over-generalising the matter, just some stupid thing on my mind that I should not layan.

And I tried to walk away from it....
but I can't.

"I'm not sure what I see.....are you telling me this is the sign???

What should I do???Should I tell someone???
But I'm not so sure of things that have been happening lately, seriously.Maybe I need more signs.

Realize

Last night, as I was listening to one of the most played song in my laptop,

I realized something.

I'm not sure of this revelation and how does it make me feel right now.

So confused,not sure,it's complicated.

Resah, bingung,you name it.

I don't know what to do and how to react to it.

God, I'm going to be in deep shit.I know!

Of Ketupat, kuah kacang and rendang.

Judging by the title of my post, it's obviously about raya right???

I don't have much to say about it, just the fact that I smiled so much in a few weeks.Happy, elated, whatever you wanna call it. Beraya di negara orang dengan rakan-rakan memang lain suasananya.Sungguh.All we have got right now is each other QUT Cohort 4.

It is different in a sense that I don't get to beraya with my family, get to see Abah getting all fussy while Mama telling all of us to get ready and whatnot, but it's ok.

There's still rendang, satay, nasi impit and tart nenas.
Maybe duit raya is not here, this year, but it's still ok.

It's good. It's good. I called my family.Called my babes in Sydney.Having a hell of a good time with my friends here in Brisbane. Somehow, that doesn't make me that homesick.C'mon, am going back this November.

Meriah gitew hari rayaku. =D

Easier said than done.

People told me that I'm a strong girl.A strong girl that can go through her troubles and problems. Well, am I?I may appear to look though from the outside, but deep down inside I know I'm not. I look like I'm coping with all the predicaments well, but actually I'm not. Just like anyone else, I have feelings.And my feelings is just as fragile as anyone else. I get hurt easily.

But I'll try my best to face it. I try my best to live again. To learn to live again.To see things in a positive way again, even when when all around me is so negative.It's easier said than done, I'm aware of that, but I'm taking one step at a time. Owh, I'll find something to do....I'll get by with a little help from my friends.

And there will also be time when I think about it and get all sad again, but there's always obstacle in everything. There's always bumps on the road, right??
Even if takes a billion years. Even if takes forever.I'll never be the same person that I was or am, but that's part of living I guess.The happenings around you make you be a better, if not, a worse person. Life itself is a lesson. You live and you learn. It's easier said than done, but I'll try my best.

"The best you can is good enough,"
Radiohead 'Optimistic'.

A thought in my head.

I think that you are the 'something good to die for'.

But now, are you?

Of Sting and Australian Idol.

Just now I watched Australian Idol where the bottom 3 had to perform again in front of the audience before the elimination. One of them is that former pop star, Thanh Bui who was singing Sting's 'Every breath you take'. I've known and liked this song a long time ago, way before P.Diddy(or whatever he is called nowadays) popularized the song by sampling it in his 'I'll be missing you' song. Engulfed with emotions for the past few days, I actually cried. Not because Thanh is probably the one who is voted out but it reminds me heavily of someone. My Abah.

When I was younger, my dad would often sing along or whistle to the song. In the car, when he's having his daily nescafe.....that's the only thing that I could remember about him, before he got ill. I can't remember now, how he was like any other father since he got sick. To tell you the truth, I used to fear him a lot. I was never close to him. He was too occupied with his business dealings...we rarely see each other.

Until he fell ill when I was 12 years old. I had to help my mum to take care of my dad since my mum has to work in order to make ends meet. He couldn't communicate properly, I couldn't understand what he is trying to say.But somehow, we grew emotionally attached.

We became close in some weird way. Maybe the 'Florence Nightingale' effect. Maybe.....

And when I heard the song just now, I missed him. Missed him so badly. Wishing my dad is here with me, sitting there at the corner even when we could go on for hours not talking to each other in the same room. I wish I could turn back the time.I wish I could have hugged him at the airport, something that is alien to my family. If only, if only.........

Abah, baby nak balik rumah..........

No particular reason for this post.

Been listening to James Morisson's 'Pieces don't fit anymore' lyrics.Like a lot.Just something that I want to post with no particular reason whatsoever.

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small

I've been drawing the line and watching it fall

You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart

Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough

Cause I gave it all to you

And if you leave me now

Oh just leave me now

It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender

It's been too long pretending

There's no use in trying

When the pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under if I had to give in

Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin

Well I'll hide all the bruises, I'll hide all the damage that's done

But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Well I can't explain why it's not enough

Cause I gave it all to you

And if you leave me now

Oh just leave me now

It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender

It's too long pretending

There's no use in trying

When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel

Cause I've tried, yes I've tried

Still I don't know why

No I don't know why

I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough

Cause I gave it all to you

And if you leave me now

Just leave me now

It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender

It's been too long pretending

There's no use in trying

When the pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces don't fit anymore

My karma gone bad.

I'm like 'jatuh ditimpa tangga' right now. Bad things keep on happening to me all this week.Has the luck run dry on me???

First, I screwed up for my microteaching. We exceeded the 20 minutes time limit. If Erika baek hati, I'm OKlah...if not...mmg am so dead meat.Then, I have to finish off all my assignments before on the 24th, coz I'm going somewhere. Then, I decided not to go....Which means I want a refund for my plane tix or giving it to someone else. But I can't apperently as I visited Qantas HQ today.

I'm doing 2 assignments simultaneously because I HAVE to and I CANT. I probably need to burn my ticket, or bear the consequences of rushing everything and not doing a good work. I did some stupid decision in the past that haunts me recently. Needless to say, I'm in a wreck. You'd probably won't understand some of the things that I've written here because I'm typing this blog so fast that I'm not making any sense whatsoever. Face the consequence, Hezrin.

Hezrin, hezrin, kenapa tak fikir masak-masak?Kenapa bodoh sangat???Siapa yang susah sekarang?Siapa yang sakit jiwa dan kepala sekarang??

I just can't think right now. I'm numb.I don't know what am I suppose to do. I can't call my mum. She'll freak out. I can't find any solution right now. I'm so hopeless. Today, I curled up on my bed and cried. Just because I don't know what to do. I wish I'm that 5 years old girl who does not have to solve her own problems. Who has her parents to decide what is best for her. I've made a mistake. I've made some mistakes in the past.Now, I'm facing the consequence. If only,if only....if only.

If only I think about making decisions thoroughly before I do things. That doesnt sound grammatically correct right now.But I don't care.

Of evil deeds.

Hear no evil,


See no evil...



Speak no evil!

It's fasting month, avoid doing these things!
-a public service announcement of the day-

An apology, to whom it may concern.

Last night, I received a phone call.I'm not going to go into details what was the phone call was about, or who called me but let's just say that part of the conversation had forced me to write this post. To write an apology.

I'm sorry that I'm undecided.I can't make up my mind right now. It's my Achilles heel. I can't make a decision,even matters that are too trivial, let alone something huge that involves the future.

It's something that I'm not good at. If there's a part of me that I would like to change, it would be the fact that I can't make decisions.

If people ask me what I would like to eat for lunch or dinner, I'm sorry because I can't decide.
I can't decide if I want to be alone or accompanied by others sometimes.
I can't decide what I want to do in my life.
I can't decide which chocolate bar should I get whenever I'm torn between several choices in the aisle.

Yesterday, you asked me to make a MAJOR decision.
And I failed to give a definite answers.
I'm sorry, I can't right now.I need some time to think it through.More time.
And I'm truly sorry if my weakness may have cause inconvenience or pain to you.
I'm so sorry. I apologize.
I'm still learning, there's a long way to go. I need to learn how to make THE decision first.
I know it's not fair to you,
but please....give me sometime.

Mistakes.

Something that I found interesting at a gas station, while on my way from Christchurch to Queenstown in July.

Just a thought.

=)