my insides turned into dust.....

My grandmother passed away on tuesday. The person that I've known almost all of my life finally took her last breath and leave this world gently. ......Nothing last forever and all of us may have been prepared with her impending departure but i still could not accept the fact that she's gone. In denial. Confusion. And what hurts the most is the fact that i was few seconds late.......maybe i could have been there during the final moments.....i was so near and yet, i couldn't make it.....And i'm going to miss her much. so much that it hurts me inside........she's been a very significant character in my life. She was my parent before my parents. She cooked for me, scolded me, wake me up for school every morning.......taught me how to dress up.....how to eat using my fingers.....and now she's gone. How i'm going to miss all of that.....i'm going to miss her voice,her face.....everything. how everytime i walk by her room and there will be something missing, emptiness because now she's gone. gone to the other life.....and i really regret the times that i took her for garanted. i do. and i wish i could have the powers to make her stay, but i can't.....and i can't bring her back. no matter how many tears that i've cried........and on that day, all my insides turned into dust........

Fasting tyme!!!!

Here comes the time of the year....fasting month. As usual, I have to deprive myself from eating 3 or 4 meals a day.... I'm reduced to 1 meal per day. All in the name of religion.....It's quite interesting this year. I really enjoy fasting this year. Either I really bask in this activity or I just want to save some moolah. Hahahaha(laughs silly). Well, I'm sort of short on cash. I owe people money and I struggle to keep food on the table. Not to mention that I really NEED to update my wardrobe....get myself new pants(since every piece of clothing that I own is too big.And I don't want to look like Mary-Kate, anytime soon.....). I also have to admit that I don't have a life anymore.People!!! Help!!! I need to go out for the sake of going out, not for the sake of getting my basic needs. Sheesh, i need to let loose a bit............

However, despite the predicaments that I'm in right now, I can say that I am content with life. I break my fast with simplicity today, no fancy food, and I'm grateful. Am grateful that I'm still able to eat compared to other people( such as homeless). I'm grateful that I still have my basic needs......compared to other people that have to steal and whatnot......Alhamdulillah =)

holiday.....

Holiday is here again....haha.Finally I get to go back home....watch TV, eat home-cooked meal(there's nothing better than a home-cooked meal,don't cha think so?)hahaha...and not to mention workload of assignments;-ms, eltm,sbe portfolio and the list goes on.Seesh! Thank god am still insane. So, not doing much this hols.....am currently addicted to Kanye West's 'Stronger'....cool song, cool video......not to mention a cool and catchy phrase "....that don't kill me, can only make me stronger". It's kinda true, in a way.....life is tough.Life is a bitch. but you gotta keep on holding on. You gotta fight the struggle....and if you don't ;it defeat you. If it doesn't kill you, it can only make you much stronger.And that's what I'm going through right now.....getting stronger to face the challenges ahead. And I hope that face tomorrow with no sorrow......hahaha,am so babling right now!!!