Today is the submission day of my last assignment.I'm so happy right now.No more assignments...until next year that is.
In a week, I'll be going back to Malaysia. Can't really describe the feeling, actually. Part of me happy, part of me doesn't feel anything.I'm still a bit blur what the hell am I going to with myself for the next 2 and a half months(hope I get it correct)in Malaysia. Work?Bum around doing nothing?God knows.But, if there's one thing that make me REALLY look foward going back next week is probably the fact that I get to see my friends!And good and tasty halal food.Hahaha.
Now that I'm a bit free, I can start cleaning my messy room and start packing my stuffs.And yeah, there's a 'red,green and yellow' party and a concert that I'm SO looking foward to attend to.
=)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
on the wrong track.
Need to get everything back on track............
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
I think I'm derailed.
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.
I think I'm derailed.
empty.
There's everyone all around you.
There's noise all around you.
People laugh and make jokes.
People talk of things that they are planning to do.
Somehow, you are not there.
Somehow you don't exist to them, anymore.
Somehow, you're far,far away from all around you.
There's a wall between you and them.
And that's when you feel empty inside.
Empty.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
I Tired.
I woke up early this morning and went to the gym. While working out on the treadmill for about an hour, I was tempted to stop the treadmill and sit somewhere in the corner.And that was only a few minutes when I started to walk on the treadmill. My calf hurts like hell. Probably because of the bruises that I got about two weeks ago that is still not ok yet. So I got back feeling a bit elated from all the work out that I've done.Not to mention that I'm tired.
I haven't got much sleep lately, too. Due to assignments and whatnot. My room is like a cluttered mess.There's no space left in my room that I have to do my work outside my room. Full of dirty clothes, luggage for Malaysia, things that I want to throw away and whatnot. Not a good environment to be in, my room. I'm a bit occupied to clean up my own room....
Yet, even though I'm tired and feel like sleeping for the rest of my life(not that I want to die), I still have the energy to walk all over the Brisbane city, go out like there's no tomorrow and assignments and also join other people doing all sorts of things.Even when deep down inside, I don't feel like getting myself out of the bed.
I realised these somehow.So does other people.So far, there's two people in my life who have realized this fact about me and told me about it(If you've said it to me, you surely know who you are...) and I admit that I'm deeply aware of it.But I can't help it. I just need to go out and do something.
I don't know if that is what you can call 'outgoing' or 'pushing the limit', seriously.Probably the fact that I never get to go out much when I was a kid.You see, I'm always the one left behind at home. My parents would often go somewhere, sometimes overseas and not taking me and children along.If they do, my sisters or my brother.I have to accompany my grandmother or take care of the house.Plus, I was and introvert child.Doesn't have many friends that I can go out with.Probably that's the reason.I don't know. My other sisters also busy with their campus life and whatnot. So, there's not much choice there.
But once I'm a bit independent and have my own money, I go out as much as I like.Even if I'm stuck bored in Seremban, I'll drive my mum's car to go somewhere.With lame excuses such as lepak-ing at Muzzy's, or getting my daily dose of Snickers at 7eleven.
When I was in KL, I would go out with Syefah and all, even when I'm so bloody tired from all the bloody classes. I just can't resist it. I just need to be around with people and need to see other scenery than my room. Even when I'm so damn jaded.I just feel like, I need to go out and see things. Sometimes, you'll come across of interesting things or event when you go out, I'm a firm believer in that, hahahaha. Seize the day?, 'Carpe Diem'?, I don't know. But what I know is, I'll keep going out and about, doing things, even when I feel like my body is falling apart.Even when I feel like eating a bottle of sleeping pills. I'll just go out and walking...and walking.
Sometimes I'm tired and just want to hit the sack, that's all I want to do.But I just couldn't give a damn about it.
I haven't got much sleep lately, too. Due to assignments and whatnot. My room is like a cluttered mess.There's no space left in my room that I have to do my work outside my room. Full of dirty clothes, luggage for Malaysia, things that I want to throw away and whatnot. Not a good environment to be in, my room. I'm a bit occupied to clean up my own room....
Yet, even though I'm tired and feel like sleeping for the rest of my life(not that I want to die), I still have the energy to walk all over the Brisbane city, go out like there's no tomorrow and assignments and also join other people doing all sorts of things.Even when deep down inside, I don't feel like getting myself out of the bed.
I realised these somehow.So does other people.So far, there's two people in my life who have realized this fact about me and told me about it(If you've said it to me, you surely know who you are...) and I admit that I'm deeply aware of it.But I can't help it. I just need to go out and do something.
I don't know if that is what you can call 'outgoing' or 'pushing the limit', seriously.Probably the fact that I never get to go out much when I was a kid.You see, I'm always the one left behind at home. My parents would often go somewhere, sometimes overseas and not taking me and children along.If they do, my sisters or my brother.I have to accompany my grandmother or take care of the house.Plus, I was and introvert child.Doesn't have many friends that I can go out with.Probably that's the reason.I don't know. My other sisters also busy with their campus life and whatnot. So, there's not much choice there.
But once I'm a bit independent and have my own money, I go out as much as I like.Even if I'm stuck bored in Seremban, I'll drive my mum's car to go somewhere.With lame excuses such as lepak-ing at Muzzy's, or getting my daily dose of Snickers at 7eleven.
When I was in KL, I would go out with Syefah and all, even when I'm so bloody tired from all the bloody classes. I just can't resist it. I just need to be around with people and need to see other scenery than my room. Even when I'm so damn jaded.I just feel like, I need to go out and see things. Sometimes, you'll come across of interesting things or event when you go out, I'm a firm believer in that, hahahaha. Seize the day?, 'Carpe Diem'?, I don't know. But what I know is, I'll keep going out and about, doing things, even when I feel like my body is falling apart.Even when I feel like eating a bottle of sleeping pills. I'll just go out and walking...and walking.
Sometimes I'm tired and just want to hit the sack, that's all I want to do.But I just couldn't give a damn about it.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Last night.
Now I see the clarity, yesterday...last night.
And I made my decision.
That's all there is left to say,look foward and don't look back. =)
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Memories.
A few minutes ago, while browsing through some of the pictures in my laptop, something has crossed my mind. These pictures represent millions or billions of happy or sad memories. What happens if I delete all of these pictures?Will the memories go away or will it still be in your mind?Playing over and over again, like a mini movie?
When we looked back at some of the moments in life that we captured in a photograph, we learn things about ourselves. How much we've changed, how different we looked like back then. Old friends that make us wonder, "Whatever happened to A??", places or events that occurred before, while and after the picture is taken....or simply things about yourself that you've never realized before.
Those memories are sweet and beautiful sometimes, yet, there are painful ones too.
When you look at a photograph of a painful past, sure, you can simply delete it. Just click 'Delete' and it will be gone forever. Just send it to the Recycle Bin and you'll never see it again. But it's not as simple as that.
There are still photographs of the remaining memories in your mind.
Once, it crossed my mind that, "Gosh, If only I could reprogram my head like the computer, then I'll get over it.If only I could do that.Erase those memories."
In fact, it sounds like that Jim Carrey movie now, Eternal something, something?I don't remember the name of it, but I do know that in that movie, Jim's character wants to erase all of the memories he had with his girlfriend or something. Just because it's too painful for him to think about it. But that's just fiction, right???
If only we can do that...If only.....
However, not so long ago, someone managed to knock some senses into me.It helped me to change my negative view of this matter. "You may need those memories.It may be painful, but trust me you'll need it. If not for you, it's for someone else.One day, you'll be needing it to help others, tell your stories and lessons that you've learned...so that other people won't repeat the same mistake again,"
And then, I see it in a clearer view. It's true. Each memories that we ever experienced tells us a lot of things, it helped us to grow, to be a better person...much wiser.It's ok to create bad ones, because at the end of the day, those are the one who's going to teach you about life.
If you ever think of an old memory that make you cry, it's ok, you can cry. But later, you'll smile because you know that what's past is past, and it can't be undone,no matter how hard you try....and you deserve to smile.And create more happy memories.
=)
When we looked back at some of the moments in life that we captured in a photograph, we learn things about ourselves. How much we've changed, how different we looked like back then. Old friends that make us wonder, "Whatever happened to A??", places or events that occurred before, while and after the picture is taken....or simply things about yourself that you've never realized before.
Those memories are sweet and beautiful sometimes, yet, there are painful ones too.
When you look at a photograph of a painful past, sure, you can simply delete it. Just click 'Delete' and it will be gone forever. Just send it to the Recycle Bin and you'll never see it again. But it's not as simple as that.
There are still photographs of the remaining memories in your mind.
Once, it crossed my mind that, "Gosh, If only I could reprogram my head like the computer, then I'll get over it.If only I could do that.Erase those memories."
In fact, it sounds like that Jim Carrey movie now, Eternal something, something?I don't remember the name of it, but I do know that in that movie, Jim's character wants to erase all of the memories he had with his girlfriend or something. Just because it's too painful for him to think about it. But that's just fiction, right???
If only we can do that...If only.....
However, not so long ago, someone managed to knock some senses into me.It helped me to change my negative view of this matter. "You may need those memories.It may be painful, but trust me you'll need it. If not for you, it's for someone else.One day, you'll be needing it to help others, tell your stories and lessons that you've learned...so that other people won't repeat the same mistake again,"
And then, I see it in a clearer view. It's true. Each memories that we ever experienced tells us a lot of things, it helped us to grow, to be a better person...much wiser.It's ok to create bad ones, because at the end of the day, those are the one who's going to teach you about life.
If you ever think of an old memory that make you cry, it's ok, you can cry. But later, you'll smile because you know that what's past is past, and it can't be undone,no matter how hard you try....and you deserve to smile.And create more happy memories.
=)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The aftermath of MDB349.=P
I've just handed in one of my assignments right now, such a HUGE relief!Well, I have few more til I'm absolutely free.....Tired, brain-dead are one of the best words to describe what I'm feeling right now. Oh yeah, not to mention bored. Bored as hell before I have start on my other assignments.
Hee, x ingat dunia betul Cik Nurhezrin ni!
As I'm stuck bored doing nothing(well, other than writing this blog)...I couldn't help but wonder of a few questions in life that is worth pondering. These questions actually already EXISTED a long time ago, but hey, sometimes we take things for granted and maybe we never really thought of it before. As in;
Hee, x ingat dunia betul Cik Nurhezrin ni!
As I'm stuck bored doing nothing(well, other than writing this blog)...I couldn't help but wonder of a few questions in life that is worth pondering. These questions actually already EXISTED a long time ago, but hey, sometimes we take things for granted and maybe we never really thought of it before. As in;
- Why all good things must come to an end?Why can't it be forever??What if we enjoy so much whatever we are doing that we don't want to end it?
- Why does it take a few bites of sinful treat to get you gain that unwanted kilos whereas a few days or weeks of hell in the gym to lose that unwanted kilos?
- Why people don't know what they got until it's gone?If they don't know, then how can they realize it's gone??
- Why people call shopping as a 'retail therapy'?If you go shopping,it may help to get rid of your misery...but if you shop til you drop, you'll get more misery???As in your bank account?
- Is there such thing as 'love at first sight'????
Those are a few questions that keep running in my mind at the time being. Well, that's life right. No matter how complicated and painful it gets....that's life. It's funny how some things in this life work in its own mysterious way, but that's the beauty of it.
Til then, I'll continue embracing the beauty life!
=)
Realize: Part 2.
Here's part 2 of my realization.
I've tried to tell myself that I'm over-generalising the matter, just some stupid thing on my mind that I should not layan.
And I tried to walk away from it....
but I can't.
"I'm not sure what I see.....are you telling me this is the sign???
What should I do???Should I tell someone???
But I'm not so sure of things that have been happening lately, seriously.Maybe I need more signs.
I've tried to tell myself that I'm over-generalising the matter, just some stupid thing on my mind that I should not layan.
And I tried to walk away from it....
but I can't.
"I'm not sure what I see.....are you telling me this is the sign???
What should I do???Should I tell someone???
But I'm not so sure of things that have been happening lately, seriously.Maybe I need more signs.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Realize
Last night, as I was listening to one of the most played song in my laptop,
I realized something.
I'm not sure of this revelation and how does it make me feel right now.
So confused,not sure,it's complicated.
Resah, bingung,you name it.
I don't know what to do and how to react to it.
God, I'm going to be in deep shit.I know!
I realized something.
I'm not sure of this revelation and how does it make me feel right now.
So confused,not sure,it's complicated.
Resah, bingung,you name it.
I don't know what to do and how to react to it.
God, I'm going to be in deep shit.I know!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Of Ketupat, kuah kacang and rendang.
Judging by the title of my post, it's obviously about raya right???
I don't have much to say about it, just the fact that I smiled so much in a few weeks.Happy, elated, whatever you wanna call it. Beraya di negara orang dengan rakan-rakan memang lain suasananya.Sungguh.All we have got right now is each other QUT Cohort 4.
It is different in a sense that I don't get to beraya with my family, get to see Abah getting all fussy while Mama telling all of us to get ready and whatnot, but it's ok.
There's still rendang, satay, nasi impit and tart nenas.
Maybe duit raya is not here, this year, but it's still ok.
It's good. It's good. I called my family.Called my babes in Sydney.Having a hell of a good time with my friends here in Brisbane. Somehow, that doesn't make me that homesick.C'mon, am going back this November.
Meriah gitew hari rayaku. =D
I don't have much to say about it, just the fact that I smiled so much in a few weeks.Happy, elated, whatever you wanna call it. Beraya di negara orang dengan rakan-rakan memang lain suasananya.Sungguh.All we have got right now is each other QUT Cohort 4.
It is different in a sense that I don't get to beraya with my family, get to see Abah getting all fussy while Mama telling all of us to get ready and whatnot, but it's ok.
There's still rendang, satay, nasi impit and tart nenas.
Maybe duit raya is not here, this year, but it's still ok.
It's good. It's good. I called my family.Called my babes in Sydney.Having a hell of a good time with my friends here in Brisbane. Somehow, that doesn't make me that homesick.C'mon, am going back this November.
Meriah gitew hari rayaku. =D
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