My 1st post in June,2008

It had been 3 days that I got disconnected from the Internet due to my 'not-in-the-mood' state. So, today, after I got back from ampac practice, I help Syefah cooking nasi tomato, before I get online again. Check my email(69 emails!!), qutmysa' email(2 spams on how-to-get-rich scheme.nothing much) and also friendster and facebook, although I rarely update my page, I do admit. Then, yeah, I'm writing this blog........

Before I actually start writing my new post, I went to Syefah's empty mind where her latest entry reminds me of the thing that she told me, while helping her to prepare lunch. "I'm homesick.I actually cried because I miss home....," said Syefah. Such a strong statement, something that I can relate to, especially for the past few days. I miss home,if not, Malaysia. I really want to go back if I could. And I have to admit that I've been in denial for the past few months. You see, I tried to make everything become positive, try to tell myself not to have such notions in my head....try to make myself enjoy every single moment that I spent here in Brisbane. But, I've realised 2 days ago that I'm lying to myself......

I have to admit that some people's attitude over here drag me down. Some people make me think that my life here sucks. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame on these people, it's just that whenever I see them and their 'so-called' attitude that I won't mention, I do think that it affect my whole outlook on my life here in Brisbane. Sometimes, I tried to ignore it as I would often phrase it in BM, 'buat pekak telinga and buta mata je...' but I guess there are times that I can't afford to do so. So people just wouldn't change. They criticize others while they are not...that perfect. Don't really care about people and whatnot. It sucks to be stuck with these kind of mentality for 2 years.....sigh.Sometimes, I'm on the brink of insanity thinking about it.....but, thank god that I have Syefah here...at least, I can rely on her.......It's good to know that there are still someone out there who thinks the same and going through the same thing with you. At least I don't feel so much 'alone'.

I wish I could go home now, lie on my bed, for some escapism....and just now, as I was writing this blog, Muzzy called me to thank of the packages that she had received from me. And that makes it even sadder writing this blog.....and my sister supposedly come here last Sunday but she cancelled last minute. Probably coming here end of this month. I really want her to come badly, I really do. I just can't stand another misery. =(

And I'm just not in the mood for anything really.........